Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
