he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He passed out mid-signature
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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