Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
