You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
