so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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