Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
