she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
