How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
