We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
