i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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