"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
