So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
