You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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