So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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