i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
