So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
