VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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