Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
