i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
