SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
