shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
