If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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