He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
