my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
