you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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