I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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