Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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