Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
