3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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