Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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