anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
