I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
