I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
