I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
