So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
