if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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