just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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