Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
