Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
