I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
