i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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