saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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