Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
