Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm lost and stupid without you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Randomize
