just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
