I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
