His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
