This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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