He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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