How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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