ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
