i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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