Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
