please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
