I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
