The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
